Shirley burped. Her face turned a bright

Shirley burped. Her face turned a bright pink as she squirmed in the pew, and Reverend Dickey began another long winded prayer. "Oh Lord,

Please get us through this sermon before Shirley either Spews forth from her mouth or her bottom." Reverend Dicky Pleaded and as a note "please stay home if you have diarrheal Flu"

But his pleas fell on ears educated in the public schools where perfect attendance got awards - so perfect attendance at church would surely get you into heaven, right?

Nope. When he arrived at the Pearly gates, Peter handed him a multiple choice test and a no. 2 pencil. No need to ask what a failing grade meant. The first question read, "

Train A leaves the station at 4PM. At the other end of a 300 mile track, Train B leaves at 6PM. If Train A travels 45mph and Train B travels 60mph, when will they meet?" St. Peter

who stands on the tracks of Train A turns the hands of time back to 12:00am. "Our passenger needs a refresher course. The only way to make him aware is to rattle the tracks and a"

then the fat woman silenced the conductor. "Button it up there you officious flaky limp-wristed bastard." Her jowls quivered as she howled, "You stole it all didn't you, you

at last, the fat lady entered the stage. She opened her mouth to force out the final aria, with a boisterous cadanza near the end, she took a breath which looked like an earthquak

e, but nothing happened. The crowd murmured. The diva looked from them to the stage lights to the floor and then fell over dead. "It ain't over!" yelled a boy and the crowd agreed.