45

“If you elect me as prez, I promise to

  • “If you elect me as prez, I promise to put a soda machine in every hallway, and to organize another field trip to the creek where Miss Rollins got bit by a snake.” The kids cheered
  • but Miss Rollins said, "Richard, Don't make promises you can't keep." Dick raised his hands to make peace signs, "I never tell a lie." Student council prez was just the first step
  • toward's Dick Nixon III's ultimate goal: total presidential inauguration. Damn but Dick liked the sound of that. But first he'd have to deal with the Student Prez Impeachment Group
  • Dick Nixon the III paid some of the school's gym teachers to break into the administration office and obtain was the Student Prez Impeachment group's files. He needed a drink
  • so he slit Lil' Lyndon's throat and drank from the resulting blood fountain. Spiro Jr. asked if he could have a drink too, but
  • he was denied rather forcibly by the drinking man, who claimed this was his only opportunity to drink blood away from the eyes of his tyranical wife. Spiro Jr. understood but
  • wondered to himself why the man's wife's eyes were bloody. Was this man, so fond of drinking blood, also a wife-beater? Spiro Jr. ordered a Bloody Mary to test the man's resolve.
  • When a man loves blood so much, it's all he can see in his wife's eyes. Spiro Jr knew this only too well. He drank the Bloody Mary & whispered into the bloodsucker's wife's ear
  • crude jokes he had learned from the Archbishop. His diocese was renowned not only for mixing the spiciest drinks in the country but for
  • the flaming mix tapes of Gregorian chants that had the parishioners rolling in the aisles like one of those cultist Quaker/Baptist communions. Archbishop CruciMIX wanted popedom.

8 Comments

  1. SlimWhitman Oct 18 2013 @ 11:28

    So FS teaches us that one Bloody Mary separates total Presidential inauguration from total CruciMIX Popedom...

  2. Zetawilk Oct 18 2013 @ 14:25

    Yo yo yo yo, sup mah homeys, we be keepin' the papal sanctions REAL. Dawg. Werd. Who got more bling den da Holy Roman Empire? That's what I'm sayin'.

  3. PurpleProf Oct 18 2013 @ 16:59

    Archbishop CruciMIX...LOL, GB...

  4. Zetawilk Oct 18 2013 @ 17:19

    Hey, the AB gon' lay some phat choir tunes so all ya'lls can feels closer t'the original G, mang, pht. An' if ya'll wants ta /see/ God, just try some o' the holy water. You'll be trippin' so hard, Deacon Trinity's homilies start to make /sense/. Just don't be narcin' on my wafers, a'ight?

  5. PurpleProf Oct 18 2013 @ 17:21

    You're goin' to hell, GB. LOL!!!

  6. buddyboy4711 Oct 18 2013 @ 17:56

    I can imagine GreenBanana saying these things as the host of Pimp My Popemobile.

  7. Zetawilk Oct 18 2013 @ 18:37

    That's Archbishop CruciMIX's first item on his agenda once he becomes pope.

  8. SlimWhitman Oct 19 2013 @ 08:42

    ... that and overdubbing the White House Tapes with Gregorian Raps.

Want to leave a comment?

Sign up!