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I became suspicious that my schizophrenia

  • I became suspicious that my schizophrenia had returned when I happened to glance in the bowl. Corn? I hadn't eaten corn in months. There was a hard knock at the door.
  • I gave it a B minus. Had I been an instructor of some sort? "Who eez eet?" I asked through the mail flap. "What are you doing in my house?" I shouted from the other side. This worr
  • ying feel came over me as I looked out the flap at the neighbours house, it appeared my neighbour was doing the same thing. Her eyes connected with mine and in an instant it was lo
  • -athing at first sight. I ran to my garage to get my chainsaw. When I emerged she had her sawsall revved up. She swung it at my head. I ducked and she cut her pot-bellied pig in ha
  • lf. "Oh boy! Pork chops for dinner!!" I taunted her. Enraged, she came at me again with her saws, but this time I had my chainsaw ready. "And what else? What else shall I have for
  • din-din?!" We both decided on beef, so we collectively sawed the cow. The penile tissues were removed first, because we didn't like the taste of that. After two minutes, we were
  • regretting that decision. The cow, it turned out, was made of styrofoam -- except for the genitals which were made of string cheese. But it was too late as a horde of rats were
  • gnawing the artificial insemination cow apart from the legs up. Feeling their cow sink into the tide of rats, it dawned on our heroes that they had picked the wrong escape steed.
  • "I told you that you can't ride a cow, you bumbling, twitchy little idiot." Hero number 1 said. "Listen, it's not my fault, I used to ride cows all the time to
  • break in my chaps and tighten my butt cheeks.” He beamed her a smile worthy of the dead. “You know, the anal kegel Mr. Bojangle!“ Her frown lifted slightly. “Strange, but cute."
Started
2013-01-24 19:30:19
Finished
2015-12-15 13:02:37

3 Comments

  1. Avatar

    grok Dec 15 2015 @ 14:24

    We had gotten off on the wrong foot, but from that moment on have been on good neighbourly terms ever since, even lending out our styrofoam insemination cows to each other, on special occasions.
  2. Avatar

    PurpleProf Dec 15 2015 @ 22:32

    I had a beef with a neighbor once.
  3. Avatar

    grok Dec 16 2015 @ 01:31

    Every once in a fortnight, she'd bring over some of the other neighbours, and we'd do jigsaw puzzles together.

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