Potash for perennials, manure for marigolds,

Potash for perennials, manure for marigolds, and quick lime for my ex Leonard. Well, let's get to it.

I didn't know then that the garden was haunted by a vengeful ghost and that today of all days was the 100th anniversary of his grisly death. No way I could

have known that. There were no warning signs. Besides that creepy butler with too much information. And that weird invite I got to come here. But my drinking kept me sharp, so I

figured I would have noticed something of this magnitude. I suppose it doesn't matter anymore, now that

I am older and wiser. That is a huge relief, seeing how young people are addicted to their phones. They have lost all sense of creative thinking. What a sad commentary on youth.

Had I known that my bigoted thoughts were being listened to by a race of super-intelligent octopus aliens, I would have defended them. In a microsecond, the human children vanished

replaced by apples. I was in quite the moral dilemma, unsure whether eating the apples would grant me a title as cannibal or not. I bit into one. It was delicious.

But as always, biting into the apple led to much destruction and chaos as it did with other historical figures like Snow White, Eve and Candace Cameron Bure...

but, if this town is just an apple, then let me take a bite. If they say, ""Why? Why? Tell 'em that is human nature.