"This was more fun than pop rocks and soda

"This was more fun than pop rocks and soda pop," he thought as he strolled back up the line of nervous applicants. "7 was a lucky number, right?" he thought, savoring the quiet

morning of National Lottery Day, where people line up to draw numbers to ironically see who gets stoned to death. Johnny decided that his number was probably not

a prime number because he was 97 years old. Basically he wasn't going to die. So he switched birthcards with Jonah. He was up because he was an asshole. Now he could die like

normal men. Or at least his name could. He would become Jonah the asshole & live the rest of his life aspiring to the natural douchery that real Jonah had never needed to cultivate

to become the bain of every woman's existence - and every man's for that matter. But what I really want to know

is why abbreviation is such a long word? See how annoying he could be! This was proved by

cocking his head slightly to the left and instilling fear into the hearts of all who glared in his general direction. Of course, it was never proven that

cocking one's head at a certain angle was able to provoke that reaction, but it was all he could do to comfort himself. Why else would everyone dislike him so? Perhaps

it was because he was a velociraptor and constantly cocked his head as if sizing up his prey. It was more of a nervous habit, really--although his stomach rumbled at the sight of