"I knew you'd come back, son." The blind

"I knew you'd come back, son." The blind old man patted a lamp-post, coughing and wheezing. The lamp-post remained silent, inanimate. "Dontcha want to tell your old Dad all about

your backpacking trip across Asia? I never received a single phone call while you were gone. I know we don't see each other often, but

just thought you might want to know that your estate has been put up for auction due to gross negligence & unpaid parking tickets. Should you wish to dispute the estate sale, just

-inian the Emperor said I will cut off the tips of your lips. No one dared laugh.

Except Mac "Three-Lips" McScripps. He had a third lip on his back, and although his realtor inner voice shouted, "Location! Location!", he forced a chuckle. The emperor cut off two

feet of gummy worms growing from his forehead - why they grew, no one new, but they sprouted something fierce every day, and had to be hacked off with a magical ginsu knife every

morning. A small factory with a retail outlet established itself around this gummy worm forehead production and he was kept a strict commercial secret from the Chinese. They hacked

together an enormous statue of Mao made from American e-waste which they planned to drop upon Silicon Valley as revenge for the gummy worm forehead industrial secrecy. But the NSA

intercepted a phone conversation between Edward Snowden and Fox Mulder, and the juicy details lead the shadow government to the drop zone for the e-waste statute, which they dubbed

"The iPhony setup of Asia's eMerging nations as garbage collection service-oriented economies – an artform sponsored by WTO & WTF?!" Built on Mao's grave, it fell when he rotated.