I saw three people, each bound and tied to

I saw three people, each bound and tied to a pole. A tall, obese man with short hair, an average height man in a leather coat, and a voluptuous woman. I pulled the trigger and

blew the woman's brains to bits. She was a bitch. The two men beside her shuddered, but I happily untied them. With their help, I could hunt for Captain Crunch's treasure.

I know it isn't real but something inside me wanted to go on a wild goose chase. So we headed for the airport. Booked tickets for the first flight out. Headed to New Zealand.

Didn't make it. Got stuck in Denver on a red-eye connection that we missed because of a HUGE misunderstanding at Chili's in the international terminal. To make a long story short,

a Chili's restaurant in an international terminal is not the place to announce to the world that you plan to shoot every single foreign

coin into that much abused slot machine. He knew it wouldn't takes his lyra, kroners or kopecs. The restarant manager advised to go to a money exchange, but he refused due to

his dislike of the Euro. He'll be damned if he shares an economy with the Portuguese! So instead he just jammed a chocolate coin into the slot machine's coin slot, and

to his surprise, it began showing the pornographic film, "Tiny Sluts, Gaping Butts".

"My B'chugerroth! This is terrible film!" he said as he shut the television off. "I wanted to watch the adventures of Dale Copper in Twin Peaks!"

"Instead, I'm watching 'Hot Tub Time Machine!!" With that, Purvis rolled into the fetal position and rocked back and forth.