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I saw three people, each bound and tied to

  • I saw three people, each bound and tied to a pole. A tall, obese man with short hair, an average height man in a leather coat, and a voluptuous woman. I pulled the trigger and

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  • blew the woman's brains to bits. She was a bitch. The two men beside her shuddered, but I happily untied them. With their help, I could hunt for Captain Crunch's treasure.

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  • I know it isn't real but something inside me wanted to go on a wild goose chase. So we headed for the airport. Booked tickets for the first flight out. Headed to New Zealand.

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  • Didn't make it. Got stuck in Denver on a red-eye connection that we missed because of a HUGE misunderstanding at Chili's in the international terminal. To make a long story short,

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  • a Chili's restaurant in an international terminal is not the place to announce to the world that you plan to shoot every single foreign

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  • coin into that much abused slot machine. He knew it wouldn't takes his lyra, kroners or kopecs. The restarant manager advised to go to a money exchange, but he refused due to

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  • his dislike of the Euro. He'll be damned if he shares an economy with the Portuguese! So instead he just jammed a chocolate coin into the slot machine's coin slot, and

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  • to his surprise, it began showing the pornographic film, "Tiny Sluts, Gaping Butts".

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  • "My B'chugerroth! This is terrible film!" he said as he shut the television off. "I wanted to watch the adventures of Dale Copper in Twin Peaks!"

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  • "Instead, I'm watching 'Hot Tub Time Machine!!" With that, Purvis rolled into the fetal position and rocked back and forth.

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