Nate blinked in the bright light. "Welcome

Nate blinked in the bright light. "Welcome to heaven." Said a soft voice. He looked about, a giant carrot floated above him and there were luscious carrot fields as far as the eye

this is heaven? Said Nate, why is there a giant carrot floating above my head, and why are there so many carrot fields. Do you want to know? said the soft voice, Yes ok I will tell

But first, you must tell me how you got here and who sent you. This is not a place that one simply walks into uninvited. Who is it that sent you here?

"The Shiek of Araby" I replied. I was of course straight up lying to the girl, but chicks on tumblr loved that multicultural shit. "If you ain't white, you's alright", she said

, neglecting the fact that she herself was of the Caucasian persuasion. I kept a Jim Carrey's "The Grinch" Pez dispenser in my desk drawer. I wanted to violate her with it. Ram it

right into her buttery twinkie. She made the office a emotional torture machine when Hostess claimed bankruptcy. I let the "Grinch" Pez dispenser give me the sickest most depraved

I closed the closet door and left her on the verandah, hoping fresh air would help eliminate the odour. When she showered, I sprayed the verandah with orange scented spray and was

rewarded with orange scent. I went inside and sat down on the brown chair by the window. I turned on the lamp and picked up my book, The Remains of the Day. I put on my reading

glasses. "Oh Lord Darlington, who *will* you sympathize with next?" I chuckled as I turned the page. And as I settled in, I wanted to go on a road trip with Kazuo Ishiguro.