Tom was 6 years old and entering the first

Tom was 6 years old and entering the first grade. He had a lot of friends in kindergarten, but he was at a new school now and anxious to meet his classmates.

As he walked into the classroom for the first time, he noticed that the room was filled with computers. One boy sitting by one of computers said, "Hey, come and sit by me." Tom

obliged and sat down. "Hello, Tom," the kid said. "H-how do you know my name?" asked Tom, as he suddenly realized the child didn't have arms. "...and how are you typing?"

"I was born with a rare gift. I could manipulate my genitals to do basic tasks like picking things up and pressing buttons, even typing. The X-men laughed at me when I tried to

find Professor X a hairpiece that looked natural. First, I went with the whole Ted Danson thing, but ended up with a full whig. The X-Men stopped laughing at me when they realized

I was one of them. I just didn't look like them. That was okay. My mum insisted on that for reasons. She never explained. Too late now to find them out. My karma, I suppose.

However, I felt the pull of my genetic heritage towards them, and would defend them to the death, even if I did not resemble them in any way. I soon found myself shunned by

my Amish relatives, which was unfortunate because I had a particular liking for my Grandmother Stoltzfulz's apfelkuchen. I would not shun them, as they shunned me. I rode the buggy

into the cemetary. I knew where her plot was.. I approached, cautiously at first, and with a lusty scream I

pulled the story from my bag of many tricks. I held a flashlight to the pages and read an incantation. The words worked their magic, saving the plot from an untimely demise.