Are you embarrassed by your chronic affluence?

Are you embarrassed by your chronic affluence? Ever been trapped in a crowded elevator with your own affluence? Are you excluded from social groups due to audible affluence? Then

you need to learn about the magic of bribing! If you are affluent enough to have lotsa money, you need to give people money, and they'll be your friends! This PSA brought to you by

the people you can trust, the Lobbyists! For young Jan or Jake, with an amoral spirit, Lobbying is a great career choice! It takes hardly any time at all to sway corrupt senators!

Except for one. His name? Abraham Pickleseimer, the genuinely good, pure, humble senator from Wyoming. "Smart too," fumed Jake, wanting to throttle him. "The Pickle" was undeniably

the guy who really sent those Anthony Weiner photos. Abraham Pickleseimer's senatorial smile said it all. They would find out. They were Jake, and the Fatman standing next to him.

Sure enough, the next morning Jake and the Fatman read all about Senator Pickleseimer's collection of Anthony Weiner photos in the paper. His career was finished, and they were

in a pickle. "What's your dill?" Senator Pickleseimer wanted to know. Jake and his portly pal wouldn't spill the beans about any of it.

That vow of secrecy lasted until women surfaced accusing them of sexual harassment. They resigned in disgrace almost four years later.

By then the surface was a solid plain of accusing women with one or two men thrown in to raise some eye brows. Their resignations loosened the need to keep to their vow of secrecy.

Eventually, all were in prison, where they were forced to watch bad anime for the rest of their days.