The Mayans gathered around the stone tablets.

The Mayans gathered around the stone tablets. "Did you remember leap years?" said the head priest. The mason sighed, "Let's just stop at 2012. I need a break."

And so it was that Mayan King Yuknoom Yich’aak K’ahk appeared in Time Square on Dec. 21, 2012. His hair had grown long & when he awoke still unshaven people thought it was Santa

More like a homeless Santa. The Mayan King foolishly thought that he was being welcomed when people started throwing small silvery discs in the floor before him, "‘u’uyeh chaanpal!

The silvery discs turned out to be the latest album by Ke$ha, now the Mayan King realized he was being severely rebuked. The Mayan King would punish the people. He would lay seige

Captain Kangaroo denier. Tim Orton managed to avoid this fate simply by owing up to the fact that he had never loved Ke$ha but had used her only for sex. He didn't even think they

would press charges for disrespectful, casual usage of a celebrity for orgasms. Turns out they did. "What's it gonna take," thought Tim Orton, "The Pope's blessing?" He dialed up

The channel for the Pope's spirit and, some four years later I had the response for Tim Orton, who had relocated to Budapest. I wrote the address on the envelope with trepidation.

My sever dyslexia caused me to write the address incorrectly, so the Pope's spirit was sent all over the world before it finally made it back to me. meanwhile, the Pope had been

turned into a giant Gundam to fight the injustice he'd seen on his accidental tour of the world. He used lasers to cut out crime and crosses to support the weak. It all worked out!