It didn't seem important at the time. All

It didn't seem important at the time. All she said was, "Nana, you have a big butt." That should have been the end of it, but then the nightmare began.

From then on, I never had a moment's peace. I had only to walk down a corridor and cries of "Look, the big-butted girl!" would ring out, bell-like, for all the world to hear. When

all of a sudden I felt an arm around my waist. This man introduced himself as Sir Mix-A-Lot although I don't think he was from England. He explained that he liked big butts and

couldn't speak falsehoods. Being the other brother that I was, I could not deny this, what with the girl's itty bitty waist and her round thing in my face. I got sprung.

In jail, on charges of sexual harassment. Apparently the waitresses at Hooters want to sexually objectify themselves but not admit it. Isn't that kind of annoying, but tedious?

Didn't they understand the restaurant was devoted to owls ornithologists? Which is why I set up a competing restraunt called "Peckers." Sure the waiters wore hot pants, but it was

tastefully done and the multi-colored beaks proved popular with the regulars. Some waiters got $200 a night stuffed down their costumes. Our one rule, no owl ornithologists!

courteously inseminating in front of a live-studio audience. So my inflection was a little off. I was doing this for the benefit of long-eared owls everywhere. Jim Duncan could

have anyone's baby, so why take mine? Why the audience? Why bring owls, long-eared or otherwise? I confronted him with these questions. Shocked, he humphed off, leaving us behind.