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The darkness wrapped around his shoulders

  • The darkness wrapped around his shoulders as he stalked down the gloomy path. "I need to get out of this genre," he whimpered to himself.
  • As if some proverbial lord had heard his cry, he soon found himself in a new venue. "Maybe I should've been more specific." he thought to himself, now stuck waist-deep in a pile of
  • shit. Luckily, it was unicorn shit, which was laced with lollipops and daisies. I ate my way out and joined Naywhal, my unicorn friend from grad school, at the blackjack table.
  • I had a 4 and a 7 so I doubled down. With my luck, the next card would be a 12. I happened to glance to my left and frowned when I saw
  • tits so big they'd rip the poker face right off of my ass -- if this were a game of rectal blackjack.
  • I then began to get this urge you know. Like a scratch on my nose, real subtle and all and shit. I wanted to like put my head between those jugs really really bad. So I did.
  • It was bliss, until my ears got stuck in the handles. I sneezed and both jugs fell, spilling down my back and soaking my shirt. With stark horror, I realised they were filled with
  • 120 proof moonshine and I had wanted a drink all day long. Unfortunately I also had wanted a cig all day as well and the lit one I was dragging on ignited my alcohol soaked shirt
  • which did in fact prove to be the greatest thing that ever happened to me. My shirt was reduced to ashes, and I found one million dollars stitched inside. Immediately I
  • jumped out the window with delight.

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