The darkness wrapped around his shoulders

The darkness wrapped around his shoulders as he stalked down the gloomy path. "I need to get out of this genre," he whimpered to himself.

As if some proverbial lord had heard his cry, he soon found himself in a new venue. "Maybe I should've been more specific." he thought to himself, now stuck waist-deep in a pile of

shit. Luckily, it was unicorn shit, which was laced with lollipops and daisies. I ate my way out and joined Naywhal, my unicorn friend from grad school, at the blackjack table.

I had a 4 and a 7 so I doubled down. With my luck, the next card would be a 12. I happened to glance to my left and frowned when I saw

tits so big they'd rip the poker face right off of my ass -- if this were a game of rectal blackjack.

I then began to get this urge you know. Like a scratch on my nose, real subtle and all and shit. I wanted to like put my head between those jugs really really bad. So I did.

It was bliss, until my ears got stuck in the handles. I sneezed and both jugs fell, spilling down my back and soaking my shirt. With stark horror, I realised they were filled with

120 proof moonshine and I had wanted a drink all day long. Unfortunately I also had wanted a cig all day as well and the lit one I was dragging on ignited my alcohol soaked shirt

which did in fact prove to be the greatest thing that ever happened to me. My shirt was reduced to ashes, and I found one million dollars stitched inside. Immediately I

jumped out the window with delight.