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There once was a transvestite from Nantucket,

  • There once was a transvestite from Nantucket, whose
  • plastic surgery was all botched. He wanted to be a she, but was known around Nantucket simply as "It." It's lower lip dragged on the ground & the children in town teased It
  • with a hairbrush and a dryer. There was so much hair on the big loose lip that, her face looked like a hairband sitting on a log. It became a problem when
  • she tried to talk. Her tongue was furry too. To put it nicely, she was about the ugliest woman the anyone in the world had ever seen. One look at her face & people would fall over
  • each other, trying to retreat. Those remaining got wind of her putrid-smelling breath and fainted dead away. "Too many tuna and limburger cheese sandwiches," she explained.
  • "We don't need your explanations Witch, we need your teeth!" Nobody remembers who said it but it just hung there. The whole word went silent and held it's breath for that answer.
  • Dr. Wikid extracted all the teeth and sold them for food. His family included three ravenous wolfboys and three equally ravenous wolfgirls. Being a wolfman was challenging when
  • puberty hit. Not only do you have to deal with all the hormones, but all the extra hair and the sharp teeth are not fun to deal with as a parent of a half wolf hybrid.
  • Of course we had to put the surviving cats up for adoption. Cool though that my half-wolf kid got a job to help with groceries. He sure went through milk, steak, and dog food like
  • a goo' boy. The thing that bothered me was how he went through the ice-cream, too. Didn't I give him enough parental love and doggy treats? Or was I to blame for his poor manners?
Started
2013-10-26 18:46:23
Finished
2018-10-04 16:21:28

17 Comments

  1. Avatar

    PurpleProf Oct 04 2018 @ 18:39

    Serious question...my students and I were only yesterday discussing. Is the word "transvestite" offensive these days? Or is it still OK? I lose track. Whatever you say is what I'm gonna tell my students, so...
  2. Avatar

    LordVacuity Oct 04 2018 @ 22:23

    No word is offensive itself. One can give offense or one can take offense and sometimes they offend themselves as a shared experience. Either way, there has to be an intent to be offended. Taking or giving offense is a choice. If I mock your godling, you pretend to take offense on her behalf. What dent of veneration did you expect your folly to obtain you against the ennui of a bored godling alone on the wrong side of the tracks after Labor Day and wearing white surrender.
  3. Avatar

    LordVacuity Oct 04 2018 @ 22:26

    Uh, I forgot the question mark. I looked up wondering ?. Yep, ? was the answer. Will that now make raise a question about my mark?
  4. Avatar

    PurpleProf Oct 04 2018 @ 22:27

    I will tell them what you said, LV. :)
  5. Avatar

    Woab Oct 05 2018 @ 11:36

    I think you would have to ask a cross-section of cross-dressers how they feel about the label "transvestite". It seems a little archaic to me.
  6. Avatar

    LordVacuity Oct 05 2018 @ 18:18

    You might want to ask a crossbow what it thinks about the front of a boat. Or what etiquette requires he do when meeting a queen. Ask a dog who's dyslexic but still speaks normal Dog.
  7. Avatar

    LordVacuity Oct 05 2018 @ 18:19

    I will now, take a bow.
  8. Avatar

    LordVacuity Oct 05 2018 @ 18:21

    bow wow wow yippee yay yippee yay.
  9. Avatar

    LordVacuity Oct 05 2018 @ 18:21

    bow wow wow yippee yay!
  10. Avatar

    SlimWhitman Oct 05 2018 @ 19:47

    No offense was intended. I think how you work with words, characters and situations often communicates intent. I'm not down for keeping lists of bad words, but see no need for slurs & nastyness towards others here or elsewhere. I love many different characters, and I think that's one of the powers of writing, to show them respect and dignity and a right to be heard, but mainly I'm here for fun and laughter together.
  11. Avatar

    LordVacuity Oct 05 2018 @ 19:54

    When I first heard about the transvestite from Nantucket I wondered if his story was going to involve a bucket I had not needed to worry it was answered in a hurry the beating of a dead horse done gone and took it.
  12. Avatar

    LordVacuity Oct 05 2018 @ 19:55

    yeah, I will be here all weekend. Try the chicken.
  13. Avatar

    PurpleProf Oct 05 2018 @ 23:23

    Friends for far and wide, limericks, and yes, the laughter....healing laughter....
  14. Avatar

    LordVacuity Oct 05 2018 @ 23:28

    please excuse my broken measures
  15. Avatar

    LordVacuity Oct 05 2018 @ 23:29

    I had not deemed them one of my pleasures
  16. Avatar

    BlastedHeath Oct 10 2018 @ 03:01

    @Slim: Scansion lives in vain ;-) @PurpleProf: Sorry to be pedantic, but traditionally, a transvestite is only a cross-dresser, without gender reassignment surgery. But maybe in the future transvestite will come to mean body-changer depending on our tech and spiritual orientation. I think I generally agree with LV -- words have power when they do and when we let them, but not inherently, without a context or specific ambience or moment -- there's a social contract or a mix of them involved in the effect of these soundforms and their written forms -- the intention to give offfense -- the choice to take offense -- or the psychic defenselessness that allows them to wound. Language can be dangerous, and can be a form of combat or slow murder (as can looks and silences and demonstrations of attitude), but not always, of course. But never mind all that -- how did your students react to LV's explanation, especially the second paragraph? ;-)
  17. Avatar

    LordVacuity Oct 10 2018 @ 03:42

    I wish I knew what I said.

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