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He immediately withdrew his phone and shot it precisely 7 times. "Looks like I found dinner! Right in my pocket, too." John pulled the phone apart and licked his lips. -
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Shire."Goodbye!" yelled Frodo, and walked precisely three steps before a dragon sat on him. I looked at the dragon, appaled. "Look what you've done now! Damn! Now I have to do it!"
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3
He gasped. "Get off m-" but his voice was smothered by the mounds of rolling flesh covering him. He realized that she was slowly crushing him. He heard 3 of his right ribs break.
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I decided that it would be best to throw myself into the hole. After all, if you're going to go out, why not go out Kentucky Fried? I could be great with some ketchup.
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3
he's the only one who truly understands me. As he lies there, no more then a limp peice of celery, I realize that he, and only he alone can begin to grasp all my needs and wants.
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3
there was an unfortunate accident. A passenger complained "the butter was too dry", and that there was "not enough salt". So, Orville poured scalding hot butter on the passenger.
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blew up that llama? That is a two man job if I've ever heard one. And me and Jack (my bestest friend) got up to plenty of more hilarious mischief like shooting president Kennedy.
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take a minute to comprehend that. Oh yeah. That enough time? Okay. And don't try to fool me. I know a crappy fondue set when I see one.
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AMERICA'S COLLAPSING INFRASTRUCTURE, WORLD HUNGER, WHETHER THE WAR IN IRAQ IS JUSTIFIED, POLLUTION, GLOBAL WARMING, AND WHETHER TO HAVE PEPPERMINT TEA OR EARL GRAY
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the woman, chopping her head off in a grisly display of ultraviolence. "Okay, human race-- you f*cking had that coming. Seriously, we don't appreciate being tested on."
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2
So, there I was, sitting in my car, listening to Hall and Oates (You make-a my dreams come true-oo, woo-oo-woo-woo-oh yeah-woo-ooo-) when my dashboard happened to explode.
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5
"....NOT! AHAHAHAH! I KNEW THAT I WAS SITTING ON YOUR BLEEDIN' HAND THE WHOLE BLOODY TIME! I WIN! I WIN! I WIN! By the by, you got the time? I'm due at a meeting by 4:00."
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2
"I don't know. I'm a rebel." replied a maggot. "Want a ciggie?"
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2
"Surely it couldn't be that man who I saw the other day in the bathroom washing red food coloring off that unusually large knife! It was probably the butler."
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1
with Christopher Walken's sadly deceased little known pet chihuahua. "He was such a little angel." Chrissie would frequently say as he blinked back tears. "He went so early."
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She ran through the back door, seeking to escape from the swarming sea of Sigmund Freud impersonators, but happened to run headlong into a vintage armchair.