Finished Folds (501—520)
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1to being Curtis whatever and try not to blow all of his "It's Your Birthday" money on ten foot medallions for his mansion. He opened his celly and called Eminem. "It's your ass now
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1I stepped into her limo and rode with her to the edge of town. She asked me if I knew that she was supposed to star in The Bodyguard. I nodded, then let her scarf fall on my sword.
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2buzzed in my pocket, but I'd just eaten a peanut butter cracker & dropped my bottle of water. What would have been the most romantic line ever sounded like an injured, but aroused
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5Two of the seven years, "gift meat" had been a euphemism for the obvious. This year, I told him that I would like a break from being pressured to have sex for a year; then wore
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0Sir Albert was of royal stock, which meant he was very good at very little. Horse riding, sleeping and being served tea were his specialties. Harold couldn't recall why served "Sir
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0the barbs. Ed's costume came with barbs, for realistic effect. Judy was willing to role play and even a little turned on by dressing up as opera bugs bunny, but Ed's Sylvester
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2the good old days of hot flashes. He popped as many milk duds as possible, each one triggering endorphins which were like tiny mea culpas from God. The old ladies started holding
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2nostril. The other had been picked by his hook during the first or second week after the amputation. He'd heard all the jokes. "Playing hooky, hooked on drugs, your mom's a whore"
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4fell for it cane, tree & stocking. But never again! I cornered them cold on Christmas eve. "If you believe in him, he'll bring toys. If not, he won't. So do you?" said Dad. I froze
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1she had sold as many children's books on the subject as possible and was frankly tired of it. She wanted grand children and had enough money to afford an expensive deprogramming
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3was a patron, usually cycling through their artistries in sequence, sometimes pausing a little longer with one than another, but always moving. Their expensive love burned hot, so
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1conflating importance and hiding unflattering details. First encounters among peacocks and other animals usually involved posturing, even death. Among mammals, it usually involved
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4Few knew of Cookie Monster's immortality, glacial resolve or rich fantasy filled dreams. He was a lucid dreamer and controlled his dreams mightily. In his dream kingdom, cookies
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2and it gave me only seconds to react. My necklace throbbed against my chest, trying to save itself from the idiot it had chosen. I touched it and pain shot through my back, wings
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0he laughed. She glared back at him and gritted her teeth. The last time he'd been there, he'd dropped a ball point pen. In it, there was a spring. She'd straightened and sharpened
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2Those were the rules and he knew his minutes were numbered. There were seven kids in the store and one of them would pick it up. Trapped, he began building a fort from the fallen
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4I was tired of snow globes, having seen five or six pop up that day, so I threw it straight at the cop car that had been staking out my place. "Watch this motherf-" I said, before
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4She really wasn't all that interested though. She didn't swing that way and was only there for the free popcorn. Once it hit the floor, she went for a glass of water, and the exit
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1within it were articulated in such a way that made them appear to be shot or decapitated whenever someone shook it. These snowglobes had sold particularly well in prison gift shops
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3and picked up the ultimate whoopee cushion. When someone sat on it, it disintegrated with a toxic and thunderous explosion that sprayed brown disappearing ink in every direction.