5 Folds
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8
Some people are born as diamonds in the rough. Others aren't born at all. And some, the lucky few, are born different. And when I say different, I mean blue hair and mind reading. -
5
"What do I do now?" he pondered. Reduced to inter-dimensional space dust drifting through the cosmos, yet conscious enough to know he should not be conscious, he concentrated on
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7
I saw my reflection in his obnoxiously bald head as I stripped down to my pantyhose & beer hat. "There, there..." said Dr.Phil soothingly. "Don't you feel better? I know I do."
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3
Al twirled in circles, arms flailing as the blue gas encapsulated him. A green elephant whispered in his ear "Convince him it's a Fudgesicle!" Ed, meanwhile, muttered incoherently.
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2
He took my horrified silence as a yes, & waddled off. All I remember is his return with a tray full of steaming cookies & one charred, human hand with a familiar ring. “Not again!”
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elplessly heaped heavy hors d'oeuvres, heading towards Hooverville. Having hundreds of hors d'oeuvres for the Horton Who whores and having trouble finding words starting with "h" h
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little dung! I do as I ple-HMMPH! HMMPH!" Gretel had burlapped-sacked the old woman's head and was now choking her. "Hansel! Open the oven!" she cried. "We can eat her instead!"
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2
he dropped out of college to take care of his dying Mum. Jimmy's job as a male pole dancer for people with fetishes about corn kernels covered in pig's blood left him dead inside.
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2
I sneezed and the water bottle on the book shelf fell over. That moment, 4 years ago, was undeniable, otherwise inexplicable, proof that I was God. Mom gave me a "God" nametag too.
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6
On cue, the whole congregation whipped out their (garden) hoes & began to mutilate the snakes. "For God! For Jesus! For our sons & daughters!" they chanted in unison. Not my style.
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4
Catwoman leaped after the ziplock bag of catnip! Robin watched as blood pooled around her broken form, & with her dying breath she reached out to cradle the catnip in her arms.
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, opened the trunk, and put a explosive bangle around every limb, and two miniatures on each testicle. "If Imma blow up that nasty Micheal Jackson impersonator, Imma do it right."
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5
[4rth wall break: HA! I get to call YOU out on YOUR grammar now! HAHAHA!] you would just stop drinking and listen to me." He threw the bottle across the room and it shattered. "Ple
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7
However, opening your entry to a fat hobo in a chocolate milk stained red suit is wholly unpleasant, so Santa's nose became red and swollen from all the doors slammed in his face.
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!" "But Det. Manatee!," an onlooker protested, "he's been decapitated and shot 42 times in the crotch. There's his left nut right over there." "That's disgusting and gratuitous."
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4
the Rock Hard Fists of Iron series 2 I got on the black market clearance section. It was either that, or the Rock Hard Fists If Iron series 3. I can’t remember. The alien overlords
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4
. "Get the Molotovs!" Kelly yelled behind her. "Come out NOW! Or I'm lighting yall up like..." her voice trailed off as she tried to come up with something witty.The Mattress Store
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2
Even Respiquieu was not sure why he made a voodoo doll out of an avocado to torture the nasty guac he ate earlier. His gay lovers all said being inside him was torture enough. Yet.
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6
“The problem, sir, with pregnant pauses is that they don’t give birth to children viable for the Slave Trade. Why NOT fill those pregnant pauses with commercials? That’s genius!”
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to comforting idiocy and blissful ignorance like it was their childhood home. Also, the Trinckets of Enlightenment were quite tacky and totally last season. Stupidity looks natural