Finished Folds (21—40)
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4The middle-aged housewife clicked her tongue and put down the Mills and Boon novella. "The metaphors are just silly these days." She decided to re-read an old favourite of hers,
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2drink it myself, but my penis slapped me. I felt it dip into the glass and start slurping as I passed out. I knew I shouldn't have replied to those penis enlargement spam emails.
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5My teacher turned to me and uttered that one word, the word that'll haunt me to the end of my days. Gonorrhea! Why did it have to be gonorrhea? How do you even spell gonorrhea??
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5the girl in the bubble received an offer from a Japanese gameshow wanting to roll her at hapless contestants. She'd be rich and famous! The only catch was, she would have to wear a
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0sent the entire shipment of thick saliva to Silicone Valley, because my brother is an idiot. However a go-getter IT start-up invented a revolutionary new product using the drool:
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2the Miracle Whip went undetected in the bra as it languished under the bed waiting for laundry day. After months of fermenting and mating with dust bunnies it became a disgusting
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3No man should be forced to choose between his wife of thirty years and his prized alpaca stud. My hands shook as I wrote my reply. There was one thing I had never dared to tell her
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4He was dimly aware that the doorknob came off the door and was still in his hand when the building suddenly collapsed around him in a cloud of dust and plaster. When he awoke, it
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1secting Crab Spin, a cartwheel of sublime grace and beauty requiring the ability to dislocate one's joints on command. Gramma's clicking hips drowned out the sound of approaching
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0called Home For Infinite Losers. I punched the barren ground and my in despair and fury screamed "It's over nine thousand WHAT??" But the only thing they could tell me was
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2No one had told them you shouldn't let a dolphin be the pitcher. When a mishap landed one of them in hospital with a broken jaw, the rest tried taking the dolphins to court, but
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3priest poked Peter in the eye with his finger through the holes in the screen. Peter was livid; here he was, to confess everything, and the priest was reenacting The Three Stooges?
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1And those guys who hang around in shopping malls with clipboards and ask you to take surveys will be drawn and quartered.
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3chest was so intense, in a desperate bid to clear my airway, I crammed the dildo down my throat. Good thing I've done this before. But I dropped my Gucci purse and out of it rolled
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1Then he ripped the packet of Skittles open, grabbed the back of the child's head and rubbed his face in it. "I SAID, CAN YOU TASTE THE FUCKING RAINBOW? SAY IT WITH FUCKING FEELING"
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1when my dog got into my dirty laundry, the residual LSD sent him on a trip hitherto untraveled by even the most acid-addled hippy. Or dog. He told me my dead brother rang to say
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2After his abode was featured in Better Homes and Garden's article 'Top 100 Uses For Skin-Grown Grass', gardening centers and nurseries were inundated with demands for human flesh.
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3With some thought I applied both to produce the most auto-erotic asphyxiation I've ever experienced, I'm talking real toe-curling blue-in-the-face pleasure--then my dad walked in.
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6It took Pudgy a long time to take a shit. Pudgy took a long time to take a shit. The shit was long so it took Pudgy a long time to take a shit. Give me something to work with here.
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1Though not as dangerous as TB, TD was an insidious, wasting disease that would turn me into a sponge only able to speak in apostrophes. My only hope for a cure was