I am a condescending CNN news anchor looking

I am a condescending CNN news anchor looking for a partner to suffocate with my

beard and sentence interruption powers. The way I've pimped five minutes of standing on a roof in the desert into a career has been the hard to tread map to success for other news

I turn to CNN. Anderson Cooper is just dreamy; he can "360°" me any day. I've never been attracted to a white-haired dude before, but there is always a

quick trip to Walgreens to pick up some lube, condoms, Muscle magazine, and Just For Men in jet black. Life with Anderson Cooper

had been rather dull, so I needed some me time. Unfortunately, the Walgreens checker did a price check on every item in my basket. A bit embarrassing as you can imagine.

the slimming magazine got a look, the spotted bikini a smile & the blood red lipstick a wink from the checker. I could have sworn he

was coming on to me. Maybe he was one of those guys who liked full-bodied chicks like me. Then they feed you with high calorie food until you can't move and have their way with you

time and time again. The Viagra douche worked wonders at keeping her men at attention. She would take pity on them and call 911 after they passed out or 4 hour what ever came 1st

or second or even for a third time. Better living through chemistry, she thought to herself. And if it kills them, at least they went out happy. Sadly,

it killed them.