"Crispy and delicious long pig!" the signs

"Crispy and delicious long pig!" the signs read. You couldn't get it everywhere I was told. Only a few small spots in back alleys served it, but then human flesh was was an

option on the menu these days. Ever since genetically engineered biosynthetic algeteria vats started cranking out animal-free meat 50 years ago,customers demanded more exotic fare.

Finally they started calling for what everyone knew was the MOST exotic meat on the list-human flesh. At first it was just Toe Poppers, you know, stuffed with cheese and fried then

doused in Dr. Scholl's jalapeno sauce. Right then, Martha became a vegetarian. She also swore off men. Cindy seemed more appealing. As it turned out, Martha was a vagitarian.

Vagitarianism suited Martha much better than her cockivore days and she was only too happy to share her newfound path with her beloved Cindy.

It made her feel vulvatious, as if she was receiving a standing ovulation. Her common line never failed. My placenta, or yours? That always got them coming and going.

Her father, the world renowned Guy Necologist, would never have approved of her puns. However, after he met an early demise at the hands of a stray fallopian tube, she was free to

explore and embrace her love of puns as well as another secret she had only dared to think about while hopped up on generic tic tacs or while getting her feet waxed at the local

pedoparlor. The waxing and the fish nibbling were quite popular.

As were the spikes and hot coals. Not the hot and cold moss, however. It seems that for whatever reason, most of the clients had emigrated from desert regions. Moss just won't do.