It was the kind of speech that awakens passion

It was the kind of speech that awakens passion you didn't know you had, that makes you say, "The front lines? No biggie." I filled my quiver and charged, one klutzy archer against

a scruffy mob of nearsighted nerf herders. Despite my unsteady hands I clutched my quiver. I assumed I'd survive the fight unscathed, but then I took an arrow to the knee.

My scanner said the arrowhead might be terrasantium. Given the damage to my knee, I decided to cast my lot with the squinty nerf herders instead of the Holy Earthers, but the fores

kin on a Tan Tan is really tough. A regular laser blaster won't do it. Ah, but this was a light saber. I used it on the Tan Tan. I'd been breeding them for years on Hoth.

Its hard work. And I have surely had many migraines from these devices. But it has been worth it. Absolutely. Hoth was the ideal climate for this research, as well. Now, I work

exclusively on mind control. Control the mind...control the man. Control the man... control the planet. Control the planet...control the world. The future of the empire was abo

ut to get a new Chief Executive Officer. I present to you, Emperor Sebastian Beethoven Friedsbergur the Fourth. Each man present lost control of their world with that announcement.

But "Fear not," proclaimed Emperor SBF IV, "for through my God-like status, I shall restore your worlds!" The others looked at him hopefully as he finished his Chicken McNuggets.

The French Fry cook, Tyrone, yanked the pick comb out of his Shag-Fro and placed it near the Emperor SBF IV’s throat. “We ain’t got time to wait for you to finish your Happy Meal,”

What a sorry end: in a fast-food joint with a hair-grooming tool at his throat. He distracted Tyrone: “Nice sneakers, bro!” Tyrone relaxed. The Emperor broke free and escaped.