If I could look like someone from the movies,

If I could look like someone from the movies, I'd look like Lee Marvin. He had a presence and somehow got the girl, even if he had to kill her first. I turned from the mirror and

gazed upon the thousands of posters in my room, all graced with Lee's dignified, no-nonsense face. Someday, I would be just like him, taking no prisoners, living a life of danger

Thank God my Social Security check came today. The retirement home was getting picky about my Bruce Lee fetish. I'll have to bribe the manager again to let me keep my posters up.

His weakness was always Excedrin, and I had a never-ending supply. As long as I keep him stocked, my karate posters can rest peacefully upon my room's walls. The nurses

knew what I was doing however and sabotaged my supply of Excedrin. It was too late until I realized I could not control him anymore. I was powerless to his

sexual advances. Just as he was about to take me, a cake car smashed through a wall, knocking over my assailant. Stepping out of the vehicle was none other than Agent Michael Scarn

Churning out some indecipherable babble, he then stabbed himself in the chest repeatedly with a pastry tool for no reason at all.

"Dylan, I know you wanted to watch the royal wedding, but this is no way to deal with your disappointment," Linda said, her voice dripping with disgust.

Dylan turned around, ignoring Linda. Who was she to say what she could and could not watch? He ran upstairs and slammed his door. Luckily for Linda, she would not need to

wait one more night to eat his flesh. A smirk appeared on a drooling lips. Poor kid had no idea.