Hi, I'm Bill. I'm a pretty regular guy I

Hi, I'm Bill. I'm a pretty regular guy I suppose. I mean, I was the Ratgod there for a while and my imaginary friend Jack and I did kill Kennedy. But I had to give up being Ratgod

. It was too much work, sure I was Lord of all Rats, but who could I talk too? Most topics involved cheese, trash and fear of cats. Plans for World Domination were held back.

Temporarily. I was no narcissist, as evidenced by lice in my hair and cockroaches in my apartment, but I needed to get my Ratgod mojo back. Jack, my NOTimaginary friend

, my bestest friend Jack suggested I enslave the roaches. With my roach army I'd subjugate the rats & reinstate my Ratgodly title. But first I needed to take out Bigroach.

I attempted to reason with the roaches. "Bigroach and Paparoach are false prophets," I said. "I am Ratgod. You must reclaim the Holy Sewer for Me." Suddenly, the Cucaracha Banditos

came swaggering forth in their ermine and white leather trenchcoats, taking position under the feeble shafts of light. I expected a dance number, but they issued a manifesto:

No Dance Numbers tonight under Penalty of Death! The Penalty of Death part was overkill I think. I, being a loyal subject had never knowingly broke the rules. Well, there was

one rule I broke, and I broke-ta-did that shit so good you know. I pulled a slice of bread from the middle of the king's loaf, I didn't care, i wanted the soft middle and when the

fat bitch magistrate complained, I just told the whore that "nobody misses a slice from a cut loaf". Which shut the whoring adulterator and the King up but good. Stupid royalists.

Yes, I was visiting the "Royal Land of Yeast and Flour" and I was having fun, but damnit, with this customer service, I'm not giving the WonderBread Factory 5 stars on YELP.