“Sir, the possibility of successfully navigating

“Sir, the possibility of successfully navigating a hemorrhoid field is approximately 3,720 to 1.” The Proctologist looked at his Medical Assistant, he raised his laytex-gloved hand

and asked, "Which finger should I use?" The assistant chose the pinky, which the Proctologist then adorned with an X-wing finger puppet. Hemorrhoids of this magnitude could be repe

atedly strafed by the X-wing finger puppet to destroy the death 'roid" said the Proctologist. "The force is strong in this little piggy." The patient was sweating in the Vader mask

and was really starting to question his life choices. Why did he listen to Larry? That jerk had never, NEVER, done him right. Now he was in a proctologist's reenactment of Star War

s Christmas Special. This would be his last humiliation due to Larry's meddling. Then there was a loud pop, and he screamed. "Got it!" announced the proctologist as he displayed

like an amorous turkey. This consultation was out of hand. He planted a foot on the proctologist's chest while taking a selfie & sent it to Larry saying CANCEL XMAS. The proctologi

st caught him off guard, "Turn your head and cough!" It felt like his toddler had come up and punched him. "Oh nuts," Larry said when got his friend's selfie with the proctologist.

Then his toddler spontaneously caught fire and sent the whole place into a panic. I nailed him with the fire extinguisher, while the proctologist ran around screaming like a

proctologist. "See what happens when you lie?" I admonished the toddler, who (thanks to my quick actions) was merely scorched. It was then that I noticed the bag of marshmallows.

It was love at first sight. Creamy, puffy confectionery, far long removed from its botanical origins, demanding I melt it down into a sticky goo. I was bewitched.