Have you ever slept in the river? Seen the

Have you ever slept in the river? Seen the sunshine come off the moon from underwater? Gotten weird with it? I saw the sign and I have to say

that I never had gotten wierd even once. So I took off my patent leather shoes & black socks, waded in & lay down on the river bed. Then a woman named Ophelia appeared next to me

. Her red weed-like hair drifted across my face in the current & I started to choke. "Why are you so blue, my love," burbled Ophelia. Wasn't it obvious? Ophelia, though a stunner,

was a few fish short of a school. "Ophelia - I'm drowning and your hair is choking me!" Finally it sunk in and she whipped her lustrous red hair out of my face. I gagged

as she delivered oceanic CPR, filling my lungs with saltwater and microscopic bacteria. Ophelia's rubberesque lips remained on mine as she drug me down to the depths of the sea.

I wanted to return to my post at the Justice League, but Ophelia's briny embrace made me forget all sense of duty. We road dolphins together until we were paid a visit from Det. Ma

natee, who was in a mean mood. "All right you two," he shouted through his bullhorn, "dolphin hijacking is a felony offense! I've got a nasty hangover, so no lip. Now wade over to

to the dolphin pens and apologise! The dolphin hijackers thought that Dr. Manatee had let them off lightly, until it transpired that the dolphins were also vampires and they were

needed for their convoluted plot to rule the world. But before the vampire dolphin hijackers could say "fang you very much", a bunch of PETA protesters arrived and sent them

angry letters decrying their loose definition of tuna-safe. Oh boy, she muttered. Here comes Congress.