By averaging the photos of 10s on 'Hot or

By averaging the photos of 10s on 'Hot or Not,' I got an image of the perfect girl. I decided to do the same with 300 illustrations of Jesus.

To my utter astonishment the amalgamation looked exactly like me. Was I the second coming? I was a nice guy, and a carpenter but I was pretty sure my Dad wasn't God. Was He?

The answer came from a little book on demonology. My dad was not God, but he was merely an incubus

with a ribald sense of humor (even for an incubus). As he was my dad, that made me a cambion, which explained my supernatural powers that I used for mundane activities like finding

Lost objects others could no longer find. My uncle Johann needed his brother's vision to find anything in his study that went astray. Things grew legs and began crawling up walls.

At least that's what Uncle Johann claimed. We've all wondered how thing diisapear, Everyone has a scapegoat. The dog ate it. Gremlins. But it turned out thing do grow legs & crawl

if you wait a few eons for them to evolve. Uncle Johann had another method, though. He just never cleaned anything, and eventually even his furniture walked out the door in disgust

at the thick layer of sticky filth on every surface. Uncle Johann liked his filthy empty home and his simple uncluttered life. Until one day the sticky filth unexpectedly evolved

into unsticky filth. Extremely unsticky. Luckily it didn't evolve across the house uniformly but within the span of 2 weeks all the filth in Uncle Johann's house was now unsticky.

So, on that day in August, I doused Uncle Johann's house in maple syrup and made it sticky, again! Then I emptied my ant farm. . .