The problem with the Nutcracker wasn't his

The problem with the Nutcracker wasn't his wooden conversation or his gastly chops, it was in his noggin, the whorls of his brain like those of a walnut. He was crackin' nutty &

groovy. The Nutcracker was such a goober because he was always repeating that age old chestnut about one in the hand is worth two in the bush. He was a little cracked.

Still, Marie loved her Nutcracker, enough that she'd willingly sneak outta the house in her nightie with him at midnight to seek sugarplums. The true story of The Nutcracker is

that Marie, unbeknownst to her Victorian parents, had been sleeping with the Rat King until she met the Nutcracker. That's what the battle in Act I was really about. Marie was a

girl in trouble, and seven months after marrying the Nutcracker, Marie gave birth to a little half-rat child that looked alot like the Rat King, but they pretended not to notice.

They named their Rat child "Ratcracker." Ratcracker had trouble fitting in at school, and The Nutcracker and Marie (being his parents,) decided to just homeschool him. But

The local officials were concerned Ratcracker was too smart. His IQ was 180 and the desired average IQ was 95. Nutcracker and Marie chose to relocate to Lakeland, an invisible

lake in the centre of the moon. Anything that went under its surface disappeared. Space locals knew what a dangerous place this was, filled with bandits in astro-scuba suits. But

Jim the Alien decided he was going to go in! no matter the cost! to save his lovely, Felisha(who is a fish). so he got on his space suit, and

flew off. He found Felisha in no time but she wasn't as happy to see him as he was. He found her in bed with her ex-boyfriend, a shark named Alex. Not all fish need saving.