the elves like to watch. "Don't just stand

the elves like to watch. "Don't just stand there." Santa said. "Give Rudolph a hand." The elf working the video camera got in on the action, but not before putting on a bunny mask.

So the elf gets the bunny mask, ball gag the electric staple gun, & the pack of SourPatch kids, he licks his lips with anticipation as he slowly crawls in the snow towards Rudolph.

But, really to the surprise of no one, Rudolph is a power bottom who has a thing for elves with "furry fetishes." So Rudolph bent over to look like he was eating snow, but really

he was eating...WAIT isn't this supposed to be G rated. Rudolph the Red nose reindeer had a very shiny nose and if you ever saw it you might even say it GLOWS. OK, I feel better

Now let's get out the gutter. Let's talk about Santa's fetish for long dark sooty chutes. No, wait. cancel that. This is supposed to be a wholesome tale, uplifting and

rogynous. I mean, have any of you ever actually seen "Mrs." Claus? The real one? And you know how Santa is often described as "jolly", right? That's code for

"gassy." They all looked at each other shocked. Perhaps that foul smell was not from the reindeer after all. Santa Claus was obese so he probably did break wind quite a bit.

The truth of it was that while Santa was king of the fanny clapper and everyone knew it, Mrs. Claus's irritable bowel syndrome often caused her to release silent but deadly farts.

The elves had set up an alarm that would go off whenever Mrs. Claus entered the toy factory. As soon as it went off, everyone ran for the exits or put on their gas masks. Blitzen

was unaware of the evacuation procedures. After Blitzen's accident the workshop was shut down and declared unsafe. Blitzen's family sued for damages.