Being a janitor at the CERN research particle

Being a janitor at the CERN research particle collider wasn't as glamorous as he thought it would be. Infinitesimal bits were always showing up everywhere.

Bosons at the wrong energy, CP violations where they weren't needed, speeding neutrinos. He swept unwanted particles into a lead bucket. Stanley's job moonlighting as CERN janitor

had its ups and downs. What Stanley couldn't get over was the persistence of form, not to mention boredom and drudgery. Luckily his strange charm helped him excel in his day job as

a janitor at a local Dairy Queen. Talk about your boredom and drudgery! Still, during those long shifts of mopping up melted ice cream, Stanley pondered deep things, such as

why people like to eat in olive gardens, or on top of hard rocks. Hell, who would waste their time traveling all the way to California just for pizza. Then again, Stanley lived in

a very flat and dull town. Actually, he didn't really live, because he wasn't even alive in the first place. You may not have noticed this earlier, but he's actually a cardboard

box repo man. He is so devoid of human emotion that he thinks the homeless boxdwellers need to be taken down a peg. His soul is medically dead. Trust me, I ran the tests myself in

a miniature laboratory with walls made from thousands of wedding ring boxes that were discarded after failed proposals. The box repo man had

a hoarding problem as well as a fixation on the idea of failed marriage proposals. The box repo man's therapist suggested this was due to the deep wound caused by Leila's betrayal

of Eric Clapton. He said "How do you feel when I say, Leila, you got me on my knees?" The repo man killed and stuffed his therapist and put him near his engagement ring collection.