Flipping through the channels he froze on

Flipping through the channels he froze on UHF. He saw himself sitting there on the tv. His couch was on tv. His living room was on tv. He lifted the remote and

the world teetered for a moment. Startled, he dropped it to the floor and the ensuing earthquake destroyed southern coast of California and all of south and central America. Barely

missing the heart of the United States, Las Vegas, NV. Las Vegas had become the financial and cultural center of the US and was now situated on the Pacific Ocean.

It didn't bother me since I owned a home in tiny Pahrump, NV an hour from the Strip. Now, my hovel sat on the beaches of the ocean that had swallowed up Vegas. I sat sunning myself

In the suntan bed I had installed in my cramped hovel. You see, ever since the melting of the ice caps, the weather along the coast near the submerged Las Vegas had turned

right round - like a record, baby. It was hot *and* cool, and unfortunately very trendy. This made me

wiggle a bit inside my lederhosen & begin involuntarily to do that quaint Bavarian foot & fanny slapping dance, just to prove what becomes of trendy things over time. I burned my

Patchouli incense in its little brass dish, wondering what would become of all the trends I collected. I had no one to appreciate them, no one to pass them on to, no one to

help me cook and eat them. At length he concluded that cannibalism was a shared pleasure, so he placed a personal ad on Craig's List with the pithy headline

"You scratch my back, I'll eat yours." All he could hope for was to get selected as a Best of Craigslist so his message of shared mastication would spread, like butter on toast.