Humpty was good in bed. Years of ridicule

Humpty was good in bed. Years of ridicule have clearly fueled his need to please.

That one time when he fell off the wall was the last straw, if only he hadn't decided to

play that darn Lemmings album backward. I mean, who would have guessed that hearing "all the children are happy" would

make vegetables taste so good? I washed it down with a few advil and spent the rest of the night baking a

plan, a recipe for disaster. The ingrates at the local market will never

give back his neodymium-infused anti-matter plasma diffuser. He didn't know what it was, but it sounded threatening so

he decided to call his Uncle Tony, an ex-Marine, for advice. The very first words out of Tony's mouth were

"Have you ever wondered how many cars we could power with our flatulence?". I proceeded to

eat 2 lbs of baked beans, a bowl full of cole slaw, some raw broccoli and cauliflower, just to see how far the car would

roll on the noxious gases of my intestines alone.