President Humpty liked to set an egg timer

President Humpty liked to set an egg timer and think things "over easy" when faced with a difficult decision, but now his eggs were poached. His wife Mary Quite Contrary was seen

with Jack Be Nimble; it was the scandal of the century. Things were pretty scrambled for President Humpty. His marriage was unequally yolked. Not everything it was cracked up to be

because there was a wall between President Humpty and his wife. Their Royal Coach wedding turned into a pumpkin after she'd left Peter to join him. But it was little Ms. Muffet

It was little Miss Muffet who saved the day. She had her thumb in a pie and flashing her fake lashes at president Humpty, she offered him a slice.

"Thank you kindly." Humpty said to Miss Muffet. "But I must soon get back to my presidential duties, I' afraid. So I shall eat this pie and be on my merry way to sit on a wall!"

A sharp crack rang out. The yolk spread on the cobblestones below. An official investigation by all the King's men labeled it a suicide. But conspiracy buffs knew he was pushed.

The villagers gathered around the crime scene in horror. The sweltering heat of midday sun began to poach the remains of the esteemed Mr. Dumpty where he lay, his corpse sizzling

into a crispy mass of albumin, yolk and shell.One of the king's horses began to lap up Mr. Dumpty's remains, but the king ran it off with his scepter & called for the royal spatula

forthwith! Each and every remnant was scraped into a vessel labeled "H. Dumpty". All the King's horses and all the King's men went out for beers. But a local inventor named TJ Duct

formed an elaborate cooling system of vents and pulleys to ventilate the alcoholic beverages. This made the self-destructive habit too complicated and it never really caught on.