In order to be a serial killer you can't
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In order to be a serial killer you can't want to really be one. All those losers who try to be a serial killer are by definition not real serial killers. They aren't worth discussi
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ng. They are serially diluting the impact of the real serial killers. The excess violence makes the serial killers contribution seem homeopathic when it should be homopathological
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, homogeneous and homoerotic. I picked up my homophone and called my husband. He's a Homo Erectus and he wears a flat cap to hide his brow ridges. I don't think he's a serial kille
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R but I know from watching a movie whose title I forgot that serial killers can look the the average Joe. And they can be working stiffs like my husband.
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My husband, Enrique, has been a stiff since we got married. At first, because he always had a stiffy. Then when he was traumatized by the Ashley Simpson lip-syncing incident, somet
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-hing of a deeply psychological nature began to torment him, inducing a psychosomatic rigor in his extremities. He would not move his lips when he spoke, and refused to speak of
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it, but with his extremities whirling in every direction he soon reinvented himself as a sort of mute human hovercraft. "Where is that man churning?" "He wouldn't say." The TV news
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caster stared blankly into the camera. These weren't the types of stories he had learned to cover. "Well, let's go to Brian with the weather. Brian?"
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"Brian? ... BRIAN!" The meteorologist failed to answer. "Quick cut to commercial!" Everyone went looking for Brian.They found him dead in the bathroom, his pants around his ankles.
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His legs were not attached to his ankles. There was a Bengal tiger in the corner with both Brian's legs in its mouth. The rest of him was hanging from a meat hook, butcher ready.
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- Started
- 2012-03-07 17:52:57
- Finished
- 2017-06-20 19:05:29
6 Comments
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Shabadu666 Jun 20 2017 @ 19:10
OMG!!!! I must be a serial killer! I didn't know. I didn't want to be one. Or a butcher. You work from your strong points and improvise all the rest. Time works well for you. Memories fade, Evidence is forgotten or lost.
LordVacuity Jun 20 2017 @ 19:13
I had my suspicions.
Rebbie Jun 20 2017 @ 19:48
This one is surprisingly consistent. We all seem to have had murder on the brain or, is that murder on the Brian. BRIAN!
LordVacuity Jun 20 2017 @ 21:05
I like how the Ashlee Simpson jig evolved into a hovercraft.
LordVacuity Jun 20 2017 @ 21:07
Seems to me that finding prey in the bathroom makes this serial killer some kind of kook.
LordVacuity Jun 20 2017 @ 22:46
Ok, I was cleaning up in here; now that the story is done. I was putting Brian back together and except for the bits eaten by the tiger we are missing his left shoulder. The tiger never got that high and besides it was there when the story ended a couple hours ago. The uniform outside says nobody but us came in here. That means that one of us came back to tamper with the scene. It wasn't me.