59

"You misheard me," I said, hands raised.

  • "You misheard me," I said, hands raised. "I said 'terran-ist.' Means I hold the belief that Mars should be treated as a colony, not independent. Can you put the guns down, please?"
  • How could I know they were martians in human guise? No sooner had the declaration left my mouth I was whisked into their mothership & probed EVERYWHERE, then taken to their queen.
  • "Oh, good grief! Please relax, you silly boney human blobby pants! The Martians of your system have been dead a long while. But enough about them." I wriggled against the
  • mattresses that crowded the atmosphere of this strange planet. My alien captor continued, inches from my face on account of the mattresses at both of our backs. "We are descended
  • from the Tempur-Pedic species," the alien explained. I could see tiny bed bugs crawling all over its face. "You've made your bed & now must lie in it!" The mattresses prodded me
  • hard with its long, alien fingers. "I don't want to lie in it!" I screamed, but those fingers at other ideas. They clutched me and pulled me down until I was lying right on the
  • alien's amniotic fluid. For a moment I cursed what was about to happen and at the same time I relished making the sacrifice that another Citizen wouldn't have to. The alien pulled
  • down its tinfoil pants and mooned me. I know I deserved it, after stealing its amniotic fluid. I feigned disgust (it actually had a cute derriere) and the alien hopped back into
  • its high-tech frying pan and just sat there and fried! "I'm sorry I stole your amniotic fluid," I cried, tugging on one of the alien's appendages, "stop cooking yourself!"
  • But it continued,testing doneness by slurping its tentacle & then rapidly consumed itself, so I served a prize-winning amniotic bouillon & the stock remained a secret foreevermore.

7 Comments

  1. Woab May 03 2018 @ 15:34

    Well, this was bizarre.

  2. IceSquad May 04 2018 @ 08:32

    Yeah, who can keep a blockbuster recipe secret for so long?

  3. IceSquad May 04 2018 @ 08:33

    Oh, and why is that last word written in Dutch?

  4. Woab May 04 2018 @ 15:51

    Don't all aliens speak Dutch?

  5. SlimWhitman May 04 2018 @ 18:42

    Is "foreevermore" Dutch?

  6. BlastedHeath May 04 2018 @ 21:42

    It is now!

  7. SlimWhitman May 06 2018 @ 06:45

    Klingon, Ewokese, Na'vi, it's all Dutch to me.

Want to leave a comment?

Sign up!