In the back of the Sports Memorabilia shop,

In the back of the Sports Memorabilia shop, sat a boxed set of Expert Edition Dungeons and Dragons published in 1981. Inside, was a cribbed notebook of the Necronomicon.

A nerd thief entered the Sports Memorabilia shop, Sneezed from allergies. Luckily the store owner was occupied by his cellphone. He stole the Expert Edition D&D w/ the Necronomico

n attached, because where was the fun in raising the dead without getting a sweet bargain in the process? Hastily leaving the store, the thief began flipping through the Necromicon

liner notes for Realm of Silence. The thief had heard the Charm of Making was there. His plan was to raise Helen of Troy to find out if she was worth the Trojan War and, of course,

she wasn't. Helen of Troy was a boring, brown-nosing crone who harbored bigoted views on surfers and was missing one hip. She used to beat kids with a yardstick when their math was

recorded in decimal places instead of fractions. Yes, dear old Helen was a controversial figure. It's said that when she died, the local children celebrated by

splattering her coffin with rotten vegetables, and to add insult to injury, in those very same decimal quantities she had been do fond of calculating. Nobody mourned her when she

died of a conniption. The winner was Augie from accounting, on the second floor. He had bet on conniption fit. Nobody mourned her but one guy was happy she had died to the tune of

'Tigeress' a heavy metal rock song, the band she had adored. She had had to many beers at that point and had become hysterical beyond return and then she had just died.

The song they were playing as she closed her eyes, had been her favorite. It was a song called, "Don't let the cat out." And as her liver stopped, she said, "I'm that cat"