What if I spam all the open stories with

What if I spam all the open stories with

potatoes? I will get banned. That's what.

Those in power are ruthless and have a real "eye for an eye" mentality. I'm small potatoes to them. So I must give a crop. I don't want to lose any fingerlings.

"I have no potatoes," I lied. "But you can have the corn. Take it. Take it all!" I threw the ears of golden goodness into their faces and dashed out the door, making a beeline for

the honeypot. I helped them out of the jam I guess. But I used a little too much force. I ran into that pot as fast as I could and had to comb the mess out my hair.

I learnt during the combing process that honey is actually beneficial for the hair, food even. They looked at me with doubting expressions and left me there, covered in the sticky

bee spit. Poo though, started really staring at my hair. "Look, I know it's good for your hair and all, but are you going to eat that?" They had left, I had to make a decision

As to whether to collect $200 and pass Go. Monopoly was metaphorically lifelike in its original incarnation, which was still on the table after Grandma had abdicated her throne to

play board games in Valhalla with all the other deceased people. "You haven't lived 'til you've played Parcheesi with dead folks," Grandma communicated to us via Ouja Board.

This was really starting to freak us out, so we threw the Ouija board into the fireplace. Then we played with a squeegee board - a wet sheet of glass with a squeegee planchette.