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I had heard just about enough! So I told

  • I had heard just about enough! So I told him, "I didn't order a 1-year supply of BLT's for 10 people, I ordered a 10 year supply of
  • DD7," because I lived on an abandoned destroyer in a Navy graveyard. It was covered in rust and lime stains. But the Merchant was a Quaker and he said, "
  • How the hell did you just do that?" And I said, "Do not take the Lord's name in vain." To which he replied, "I'm an atheist Quaker." Followed by silence as I worked that one out.
  • "Do what thou wilt will be the whole of the law, and eat your oatmeal." he replied to my confusion. I sealed his mouth with duct tape. "Try to be blasphemous now." I said. He took
  • it as an offence. "Yeah, see if you like that, Aleister Crowley clown look-a-like!" As he choked on his own vomit,
  • he screamed that his anus had been impregnated. Still, anything to put down aging old 70s fop tops who had no business starting up plagiaristic cults. I took a tinkle on his vomit
  • , thus raising the beast from his netherworld slumber. "Time's up, narcissist!", it's booming voice shaking the scaffolding. "I've come for all of you dying popsters!"
  • The Empire State Building occupants were unimpressed. "Oh, go shove it up your backside, Godzilla! You are so 1945!" Dejected, the beast slunk off to find somebody to play with.
  • Being insulted as old fashioned by a chorus of building occupants was the last straw for Godzilla. He was gargling with Xylitol, visited anger management course, and
  • after 3 years of intense therapy can now be found delivering meals on wheels in Atlanta. Sometimes he nibbles on the odd octogenarian, but no one much minds.

2 Comments

  1. Chaz Sep 19 2012 @ 13:42

    "Knock, knock" "Who is it?" "Landshark...uh... candy-gram?"

  2. Zetawilk Sep 19 2012 @ 14:32

    So are landsharks the new zombie or something?

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