I like this book.

I like this book.
It's really handy for pressing my leaf collection. I've also used it to balance it on my head while I practice walking elegantly. What's that? Did I read it? Why would I do that?
Just glancing at the title fills me with a sublime delight because I *haven't* read my only book. I *need* that. Since I was abandoned in this hut by the other expedition members
my days have been too full resisting overwhelming canniballistic urges to dip into literature. My unread book remains my only link to the person I used to be before 'the change'.
I stumbled into my book club hoping the foundation concealed my zombie state. "Welcome everybody!" she said, "How did you like 'Eat Pray Love'?" (Arrrrgh! THE HUNGER!)
God I was fat and hungry. I only came to this book club for the chocolate covered double-stuff oreos. I never read Eat Pray Love because I loved to pray to eat. I pretended to list
lessly pay attention, but my focus was completely on the plate of double-stuff oreos sitting on the table. My mouth was watering uncontrollably as the book club leader droned on.
I know we agreed to wait until the end of the club meeting before we dig into the snacks, but if I lean in and quietly take one oreo, they'll never notice. I grabbed one and bit in
to what I expected to be a delicious treat, but my teeth chomped firmly on metal. I looked up, everyone was staring at me. That was when I saw that instead of an Oreo, I had picked
the butterknife.

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