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I figure Trixie'd have me back if I could

  • I figure Trixie'd have me back if I could show I was a real man, and hitchhiked across the country to her Appalachian home to rough it in the wilderness with a survivalist cookbook
  • written by the veganest of vegans, Vincent B. Vegan himself. I'd show Trixie I was the vegan mountain man of her dreams. But while eating a bark and mushroom sandwich, I saw her
  • attacking a bloody steak baguette like it was the last meal she'd ever eat. Trixie was a tricksy minx indeed! I walked over to challenge this faux-vegan beauty, and
  • slapped her in the face with a dead baby seal. Instead of being upset, Trixie licked the baby seal blood. "Hey you ain't vegan!" She smiled and pulled out a giant skewer and
  • performed some kind of skewering rendition of that chimney sweep song from Sound of Music or Cats or whatever it was. I hate musicals. Vietnamese baby seals rush the stage and sing
  • more songs from "The Sound of Music." And as much as I love baby seals, I still couldn't stand it any longer. Why I am I here if I hate musicals so much? That's it! I decided to
  • nuke it from space -- just to make sure. I made the call, and an hour later the Swiss alps had been reduced to a sea of radioactive rubble. Sure, the international ski community
  • muttered, but now that inconvenient barrier was removed, mutant Italians & Frenchians mingled unhindered. Meanwhile, the Swiss funicular railway was redundant. Angry Swiss train
  • engineers ran on time just to spite its passengers looking for an excuse to give their employers who were mostly mutant Italians and Frenchians. Funny how the world works.
  • Funny how work is the world. The passengers shuffled slowly out the doors, reluctant to face another day with their noses to the ol' grindstone. C'est la vie...and arrivederci...

2 Comments

  1. Zetawilk May 09 2014 @ 18:38

    Trixie IS the highest-level Apple-achian mountaineer!

  2. SlimWhitman May 10 2014 @ 05:15

    The backstory to Trixie the Vegan Minx from Apple-achia: http://foldingstory.com/hj2ty/

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