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I always was good at games. They were fun,

  • I always was good at games. They were fun, but above all, they had goals which could be seen at a press of a button. Unlike so-called "life", which, apparently,
  • was beautifully chaotic and mysterious. At least that's what I thought. But one night after playing C.O.D. on Xbox I went for coffee. I noticed the world around me had patterns in
  • it that I never noticed before. For instance, the pigeon by the fountain flew in every fifteen minutes and repeated its ritual of pecking at the breadcrumbs that the pigtailed girl
  • had dropped from her sandwich. I also saw a man with black dog pass my bench every 40 minutes. A guy reading the Times sat next to me every half hour. The park was in a time loop.
  • I stared timing everything and began looking for the cameras. Being the main character in The Truman Show II was tempting. I could mess with them and pretend to strangle my puppy
  • , choke my chicken, flog my goat, arm wrestle my bald chimp, hack my hog and punch my possum. But I found out the Truman Show II was being sponsored by 'Break-the-Chains' Petshop
  • and as I practiced juggling gerbils, I had the dread suspicion this would be a lucrative sponsorship. In the other room, Truman Show II was auditioning some brown-nosing neighbors
  • for their new reality show: "My Neighbors Will Say Anything To Make Me Like Them." I was unimpressed. I knew I could be at least seven times more of a suck up than these lackluster
  • reality shows. I mean, really, what's next? A reality show about clogged toilets? It is enough to make me want to toss my TV out the window and take up stamp collecting.
  • I was about to do it too, but then I saw that "Rudolph-the-Red-Nosed Reindeer" was coming on next and, well, I couldn't miss that! I wanted to see if Hermy ever became a dentist.

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