I'd finally figured out a way to beat the

I'd finally figured out a way to beat the system and flooded my bloodstream with extreme amounts of plant growth hormone. I was lined up on the starting blocks and felt positively

charged from sticking my tongue on a 9 volt batter. It hurts so goood. I hope

Granny doesn't need all this batter for her battery acid cookies. She's always told me never to waste anything, hence the used dryer sheet lasagna in the oven. I can smell the

turkey baking in the oven right now, marinated in- you definitely don't want to know. But I ALWAYS followed Granny's "waste not, want not" advice and that's why my bathroom has

672 jars of "the sauce" stored away. But then the culture mutated, took on a lumbering humanoid shape & chased me down the hall! Granny didn't warn me about this! Thanksgiving was

one big adventure when your family dabbled in cloning experimentation. We could hardly wait to see what Granny would "cook up" for us for Christmas with the special sauce.

It turned out it wasn't all that... Granny simply had cloned the turkey from the year before, because as she put it: "It's goddamn expensive". However the 'special' sauce was somet

hing wicked because when we began to baste the turkey with it, we heard a gobble, & then the turkey said, "Why am I being eaten again?" It's the last time I eat grandma's cloned

corn grits. The talking turkey went to grandmas room and pulled out a pair of green socks from a drawer. The turkey then happily put the green socks on it's skinny legs. Not a perf

ect way to live, but it's a turkey. They wouldn't know perfect if it savagely beat them to death. Which is what grandma did after finding out that the turkey stole her socks.