One night around Thanksgiving, feeling randy

One night around Thanksgiving, feeling randy and loving life, we removed a motorized shopping cart from schnucks and rode it home. We had plans to Bling it out & painted it Gold.

But those plans withered on the vine like all our great ideas once we were supplied with weed, snacks and video games. But a cop saw the motorized shopping cart from the street and

"floored" his Segway over to the monstrosity. The officer went on a expletive-filled trenta espresso-fueled tirade about the laziness of common man. Then he ate another glazed.

smartphone gazer or two, but found no sustenance beyond the raw empty calories. The officer on his Segway tried to rally the semi-attentive crowd to combat the monstrosity, but

its sickening skin covered with caramelised blood deterred them. A man was unlucky enough to have fallen unconscious beneath the creature and its addictive blood-honey dripped into

his suitcase. So at Heathrow customs, the contraband spaniels were all over his luggage. "A blatant case of blood-honey smuggling!" intoned the judge, "25 years, send him down!"

He'd been locked up in Prison Brixton now for 24 years & 364 days. One more day & he'd be free. "First thing I'll do is retrieve my blood-honey & buy a new suitcase." he said to

the roach in the corner--his only friend left. The thought of leaving his roach flooded him with dread. Prison was awful but it was home, it was routine. What had changed in 25 yea

rs? He became the roach whisperer. His abilities earned him a wide cell with cable and working bathroom. Now that he would be released tomorrow, it just wouldn't seem the same. He

couldn't bare to say goodbye to his cellmate Roney 'OMG' Delaney so he coaxed the roach into a body orifice but it was the start of the roach whisperer's descent into Ocha madness.