To every man is given the key to the gates of heaven; the same key opens the gates of hell. I didn't know this one I turned the key. I was just curious what I would find when I

Note to Self: Congratulations! you made it to the refrigerator door! I would recommend the V-8 and some strong coffee, good for hangover. About last night, here's what happened...

I was lying there and suddenly I could see it. My pine cone opened and I was rising up into sky and above. From there I could see down into the valley and how the lake water flowed

"Excuse me stewardess, could you get me pillow please?" he relaxed and waited. When she returned smiling "Thank you and would you like to rub my feet too?" he smiled. While she

Caramello was a cool kind of koala and all of his friends agreed. He went with the flow. Caramello was considering starting his own hip hop band. He asked his friend

"...have this wish I wish tonight." As Ashley glanced once more at the twinkling stars, she felt that this year (for sure) she would get a ring from Brad on Christmas Eve.

Dear Santa, How are you? How is your wife? I'd like to explain that little incident at Charlie's place.

"I hate YouTube! YouTube is stupid! I was just getting used to the previously stupid upgrade, and now they come with this crap! WHERE ARE MY SUBSCRIPTIONS?" Oh God, Jimmy relax

Be yourself. It's never too late to change. It's no use crying over spilt milk. The squeaky wheel gets the grease. Respect your elders. Don't talk to strangers. Don't eat yellow

I enough money in my bank to last me 100 lifetimes. I can have anything that I can think of and make people do exactly as I wish. And stil I am not content, still I feel this empti

"Grrr. Woof woof. Bark bark. Yap yap yap. Whine. howl. Scratch scratch scratch. Brzzzt." Hugh found himself sitting in the dark. It was suddenly quiet. Too quiet. He tapped toward

I just threw old cheesecake at an old kegerator floating in the lake. What did you do on your lunch break?

"Emma come first. Den I come. Den two asses come together. I come once-a-more. Two asses, they come together again. I come again and pee twice. Then I come one lasta time."

It was dark and cramped in there. The girl faces were hidden behind thick layers of cheap slutty make-up and dirty smears of semen. Enforcing their lack of privacy, I

When camping in the great outdoors it is advisable to ensure you pack enough gear to spot UFOs. If you live outside of America these rules do not apply as UFOs only abduct

One morning I woke up and noticed that everything had changed. My fish bowl and lamp was upside-down, the numbers on my clock were different, and the hue on my t.v was all wrong.

The new restaurant, simply titled "( )*( )", intrigued us, was the talk of the town. The name wasunpronounceable, the menu eclectic ("Curried walrus in balsamic reduction" was one

I've sent a dish back because the parsley wasn't perky enough, so it might surprise you to hear about the best meal I ever ate. We were a 3-day ride from the Yangtze River and had

Some goons from the Library of Congress barged into my house at 3 AM this morning, even though I had never unlocked any phones. I was tempted to say I preferred the Dewey Decimal S

We were young and out of touch with the things we're gonna hate so much, in time.