"What's the worse that can happen father?" Jimmy asked, "Its not like i'm going to go into the store and a giant pelican is going to come in and take me away." his dad replied,"

Zed would never be confused for a smart boy, but he had all his faculties and was good with his hands. It just so happened that on this fateful day in August, Zed's concentration

"Just cos you're tied to the porch doesn't mean you can't bark at the cars." My beer foamed through my nose. "Dad, I thought your beer belly was to hide the unemployed dwarf."

What if Finn and Jake were evil and the Ice King was good?

Tonight seems weird. I got home and

Epic Rap Battle David Lynch versus Edward Cullen. DL: "I've got damn good rhymes to lay the stakes in a pinch / So watch out motherfucker, you're about to get Lynched!"

"I was 25 years old when I died for the first time" - he thought, looking through the glass. "And yet, I remember every detail - as it was yesterday". The red wine really got him

It was the second last day of my life. I knew because the astrologer told me so. I then asked the astrologer if he knew that he would die that very day. when he said 'no' I killed

The world is a vampire, sent to drain Secret destroyers, hold you up to the flames

YOU, SHALL NOT PASS!! cried Gandalf, as the postman entered through his front gate. "Hi there Gandy, you got a parcel from a Mr.... Treebeard?" Gandalf swung his staff and the

I found a little girl sitting on the curbside all alone, so i went up to her and asked her what was wrong. her response was "get away from you creepy old lady." And then she

Diamond had been America's match company since 1881. He knew because he saw the logo each time he lit something on fire. He preferred stick matches because they were more organic.

'Plastic is not biodegradable' said the robot to the professor Frankenstein. "So we're going to live longer than you. Soon you will be eating plastic food and wearing plastic dres

Just as the clocks announced its toll, it was as if I had announced my partaking in combat. The surrounding teens, clad in protective armor, darted at me with a sharpened javelin..

Edna St.Vincent Millay was quoted today: Gently they go, the beautiful, the tender, the kind; Quietly they go, the intelligent, the witty, the brave. I know. But I do not approve..

On the first day of terror, my stalker gave to me my ID picture weirdly sticky. On the second day of terror, my stalker gave to me

He stumbled over the plastic container and mumbled a curse. His years in architecture couldn’t have prepared him for the extempore solutions he encountered as he was trying to bal

Hit seems dig days since I felt ya warm embrace. I ardently bang an' admire yous. to be wivvout ysz da pain greata dan certain death. ya beauty iz dig da

"Hammer, let's try this again, hammer." said Bobby Skids into the phone. "Hammer, if I don't say hammer at the beginning and end of every sentence, I die hammer." We continued the

Then Mr grey ripped my clothes off and threw me on the bed.