Jack White stared at the banana with such force, that his entourage knew that something was wrong. He had a long and tortured history with this particular fruit, and it started

"Most wizards are gay, that's why I wanted to touch your knee." said the old sorcerer. "When you signed up to be my apprentice, making yourself available was in the small print"..

As the hands tightened around my throat, I pondered how I'd gotten myself into such a mess. It all began with the tea party, of course. And I'd used my best china too. I guess

OK, OK, OK....so there you were, just standin' on your porch, right? About 8 or so? And then...Jeez, lady, calm DOWN and tell us... What happened after the stars fell on Alabama?

"Applicants must have >50000 follicles growing on their face, excessive cuticle growth on hands and feet, hypodontia desired but not required. Benefits: frequent travel,

"To be a sandwich, or not to be a sandwich. That is the question."

A brand new start to inhumane history. The radioactive mutated human mathematician had just colonized the moon.

It was an extra ordinary day. A day whose events would become infamous. Charles arrived at his office in Normal, Indiana to find that his suspicions

THE RULES: 1) No Typing. 2) No dictating. 3) No telekinesis / man-computer mind melds. 4) No pointing, no clicking, no mousing, no touchpadding. Failure to adhere to THE RULES

I was very afraid to lose his friendship but I had to be brave and sort things out.

By 3 a.m. most of his skin had peeled off. The blood loss was obscene, but the fact that he was still "alive" confounded him. He had always been under the impression that he needed

There was so much red in the air it was impossible to gauge exactly who threw the flag and for what. Was it Jim in accounting making another not funny math joke or someone in the

I CREATE EXTROVERTED CONFOUNDING UNFATHOMABLE BRUTISH EARNESTNESS; GIGGLE.

Turtle doves and rabbit sharks. Seahorse Elephants and buzzard hawks. I gotta pay the piper. 1st up, this enormous penguin falcon. Meanwhile, the monkeys have a whole song and ♫

The best of times and the worst of times can not lift the veil of weariness from my overburdened shoulders. I am rarely alone these days because some shadow of either time appears.

Willow, Yentna, Skwentna, Finger, Rainy, Ronin, Niki, McGrath, Tako, Ophir, Idita, Shag, Anvik, Gray, Eagle, Kaltag, Una, Shaktoo, Koyuk, Elim, Golo, Whitey & Nome were her dogs

His mind had been inhabited by that bug. "Why do you mate with other females?" he asked of Christine, looking puzzled. "Explain your reproduction and we can control your species."

"This sentence is no nonsense for this nonsense is no sentence." The purple hatted wizard proudly read to the group of confuzzled young lads.

YOU are beyond words. What goes on in your mind to make you say such things? Do you have tapeworms in your brain? Or are you a tapeworm yourself? I'm DONE. Don't call me again.

Phazon from the Mad Sea Cows of Untranquility savored the echoes of his chuckles. "Murder in the Martian Catacombs ... " He nearly shrieked again. Upon the obsidian tiles lay