"Most wizards are gay, that's why I wanted

"Most wizards are gay, that's why I wanted to touch your knee." said the old sorcerer. "When you signed up to be my apprentice, making yourself available was in the small print"..

"It's a sort of sexual harrassment clause, you see." So the sorcerer was whisked off to court, and the squad car that brought him ran over my toe. So I went to the hospital to fix

my finger that I had cut on a piece of wire. It was only a small scratch but I had already lost my toe on the way to the hospital so I figured I better give the nurses something to

gargle with so I filled a cup with my blood. I wanted someone to cannibalize me so badly. I roasted my toe in Panko and macadamia nut coating with chipotle dipping sauce. My neighb

ors, the Mauerova family, apparently caught a whiff of my toe-dilly delicious recipe & came over to investigate. I held my roasted toe out to them, inviting them to taste me. Canni

ng their own ears was one of their favorite pastimes so they broke out Uncle Willy's left lobe to go with my roasted toe. The Mauerovas were blown away by the pairing and invited

their Queen of Genitalia is join in on the feast. Unfortunately, her Majesty declined the invitation due to health concerns, so the Mauerovas munch on the mixture alone.

At age ninety, she had to take a lot of tablets daily. There was her husband there to help her out. He reminded her about valium at 9pm. Nothing else mattered. Her feet hurt too.

She took the valium,feeling immediate relief."Ah,that's better!"Her husband grinned."Really?Huh,never though, a Skittle could do that."She only then noticed the giraffe."You tricke

d me, you old rascal!" "Happy birthday, honey.", he winked, and they settled in each other's embrace.