If time is money, does that mean ATMs are time machines? Imma gonna find out. I slipped my card into the slot, punched in my pin number, then pressed "Fast Cash".

Business ideas: Exorcisms and Abortions. Ad: Are you pregnant with Satan's kid? We'll help you by 1) attempting to abort the evil fetus before it reaches trimester two. Or, 2)

Luckily it was Reverso Day so he was given an extra 20 years of life & a warning. "Never tell someone to break a leg on Literal Day again please." Unfortunately it was also

We are being forced to use this site, how much fun is that???

No man could save her, for once in her short, but long lived life, she had to do this herself. And she was afraid.

Уютный домик, украшенный разноцветными гирляндами. Три маленькие феи готовятся встречать Новый год на Галактике. Елка-красавица уже украшена. Все сверкает и блестит.

Bobbie took his beats with him. He dragged his street machine speaker box down fifth avenue and let it vibrate the shop windows. He wanted everyone to enjoy his good taste in music

A new mailman delivered my mail today. He said my previous mail man said I sounded like an owl.

"No, I'm serious, mom. I'm a meth addict." There was a long pause. "And so is

"Once upon a time there was light in my life, but now there's only love in the dark. Nothing I can say... a total eclipse of the heart."

They fired him after his presentation on impregnating toilet tissue with ghost pepper extract.

"Why take responsibility for my inaction when the universe is a video game and my player is AFK?" "Well, mister, tell your AFK player to take out the trash, or you're grounded."

'If I could bring you back to life, I really would, I really would - Mama.' said Richard looking at the old, sepia-tinged photograph. The blood-stained knife was still in his hand

One day in Costco, the shade of Constance Garnett broached the subject of Matthew Dostoevsky's choice of breakfast nourishment. "Uncle," she began, "there are oranges in aisle 14 a

I wanted my Dog Daffy & I to grow old gracefully together so we attended Doga courses to reduce anxiety but when we retired Daffy became incontinent & had to wear Doggie Diapers

el sábado por la tarde, cuando

Carp is bottom grazers. They feed on garbage which they get plenty of. Asian carp can weigh 100 lbs! When Uncle Doug hit on the idea to use twinkies (in their wrappers) as bait

He was a hippie. She was a pirate. It was never going to work but they tried anyway. This is the story of the star-crossed lovers who swashbuckled pot brownies and

Mr Obsessive-Compulsive had just washed his car. He then drove his car to his mother's house. Along the way he crossed a bridge with a Pelican sitting on a street light. Splat!

Well the dashboard melted, but we still have the radio, so we decided to go on an adventure.