A new mailman delivered my mail today. He

A new mailman delivered my mail today. He said my previous mail man said I sounded like an owl.

I responded, "Who?" He fell over laughing at me. I didn't get what was so funny, so I kept asking "who? who? who?" Then I went inside so I could finish

that bottle of Highland Park 18. The Ranch was quiet, too quiet...what was hiding behind that door? I heard noises, and slowly walked over to it, my blood was freezing, I was too

scared to go forward...and before I knew the ghost of Ben Franklin had appeared before me.

He said "Everything you know is wrong."

Next I expected him to ask me which pill I wanted to take,; "The red or the blue?" This shit was getting to Matrix for me. I looked him in the eye and said, "Tell me Everything,"

He stared a before speaking. "Well, I studied acting for about 8 years before settling into my niche of Morpheus impersonations." As I walked away, I thought what a strange hobo

Lawrence Fishbourne has become. But that was because I was nasty hollowed out talent agent with a black American Express card. I once slapped Toby McGuire for his puffy

shouldered wedding dress. What is this the 80's? Included in my duties as a talent agent was being the fashion police, driving the talent's children to school and

teaching others how to measure their wealth. Yes, I was a multi-talented talent agent. But what I really want to be is a masseuse, but I keep rubbing people the wrong way. Fudge.