"Yolk,what's up?" greeted Bread." "I'm fried. And you?" " I feel all crumby." "That's because you're toast." " You're white. Eggcellent deduction my friend. Now, let's find a way

When camping in the great outdoors it is advisable to ensure you pack enough gear to spot UFOs. If you live outside of America these rules do not apply as UFOs only abduct

"Ho ho ho and a bottle of rum!" yelled Santa Pirate. "Death from on high!" He launched a tactical nuclear missile from a robotic reindeer drone. The ExFed truck deployed anti-air

Limo Jousting was "in". Wealthy knights opened the sunroofs and ordered their chauffeurs to charge. "Eat my lance," said 5-time champion Guinevere du Lac. She was hypercompetitive

Big Macintosh wanted his kid sister's attention. "Now, Apple Bloom, this here's B. F. Skinner. He's gonna put you foals in a box!" B. F. Skinner was busy tinkering with the box.

She shouldn't have sent the letter. She didn't mean for anyone to read it, but that, too, is a lie. She knew that when she put the words "need" and "fear" on the page,...

This is Commander Hadfield to ground control. I've left forever more. And I'm floating in a most peculiar way. And the music stars look very different today.

The team of painters that I hired played a punch buggy variant called "punch bucket", which led to colorful misbrushings all over my living room. My dog was covered in streaks of

People say to me: "Oi, you, yes you, just shut up & listen. Look sit down, I said LISTEN! OK, how do you get your ideas for your folds?" I say: "I listen to the voices in my head

He logged in & sold the options as they'd planned, then eliminated the evidence of his tampering. Five minutes later they met on the balcony & smoked in silent collusion. Two days

The Sun was hungry that day, consuming 22,000 metric tons of hydrogen and eventually belching up a sizable solar flare of gamma-irradiated methane that descended on Poughkeepsie.

"Coffee, tea, or me?" she asked sweetly, bending down to adjust my seatbelt. I looked up at her. "Earl Gray, please." I replied, returning to my book.

Are you the kind of man who can't tell from an arse from an elbow? Do you often mistake a victory sign for

The superintendent of schools for the county was understanding, but had some general considerations. "I'm sorry -- The Martian Temple of Xrekhlior in Exile cannot rent our space."

Sergeant Lipschitz sat on a stoop, singing Delibes' Flower Duet - well, at least half of it- to himself. Ever since he had caught a showing of "The Hunger" late one night, he had

This is my 100th fold. Let us celebrate this momentous occasion!

Pain was imbedded into me, like the bullet into my lung. Blood seeped out and made the floor wet and slimy. My clothes were being stained a darker color. Too bad I wore white. Who

C'était une fois une petit fille qui voulait devenir une princesse...

Amberson Shelley kept his head down, didn't say much (which was easy because he didn't have such a head for words as his notable ancestors) and just tried to get by in the world,

Dang it, right off I was stumped. 1) IS YOUR AVERAGE RATIO OF FECES CONTACTED : HANDS WASHED, GREATER OR LESS THAN 5 : 1? What did